with your own penis?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
