Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the condom got lost in my hair
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
