Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Girls should come with a carfax report
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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