giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
