4 words: hood of his car
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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