Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize