Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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