you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just made out with a guy for $7.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
