my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
