He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
