remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
