the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They took my balls.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize