so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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