So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was confusing and full of hummus
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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