I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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