Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have fence marks all over my body
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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