I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize