their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
