Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
