Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
