no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
