there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
