Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
