She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
