oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You pole danced in your parka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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