i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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