Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
