I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
