When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
