so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
