omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to calm my uterus...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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