Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wear drunk well.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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