im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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