Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
