Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
