Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
