we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
