Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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