Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
