We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
