i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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