dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
