have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
