Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
