I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
