Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
