Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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