I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
