So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
