Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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