Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
