we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
