So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize