Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
