She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
