You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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