does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
