He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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