Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
