I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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