By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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