If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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