i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The Olympian is in my bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
