You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
