The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
