just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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