you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
