just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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