The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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