my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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