its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
