He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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