She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
