Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
